Hey dol, merry dol
by KarateElf
Summary: Legolas switches bodies with Tom Bombadil, but the quest must go on! Please read and review! CH 14 FINALLY here!
1. Tom Bombadillo!

A/N: First off, I own nothing Tolkien. The verses Tom sings are, if not taken directly from the book, extremely closely based on it. Second, this fic is a collaboration between me and a fellow author, Sulia Shincho. Thirdly, this fic is slightly, _slightly_ AU (ex. Tom leaves the borders of his land; Legolas is walking alone instead of riding with others to Rivendell.) These sacrifices had to be made for the plot.

Begin fic:

Legolas, son of the Elvenking, Thranduil, of Mirkwood, walked speedily and silently through the spider-infested, evil gloom that was Southern Mirkwood. It wasn't that he was scared of spiders, rather, what he felt was acknowledgement of the fact that they could possibly kill him for being in their part of the sunless forest.

            He wasn't too bothered however, as he had his bow and daggers with him. Yes, he could defend himself if need be, but if a huge horde of spiders came, it would only be a matter of time before he was defeated.

            Legolas looked up at the forest canopy. There was no sunlight. Mirkwood hadn't been named "Mirkwood" for nothing. However, despite the dimness he could make out several enormous shapes scurrying about. Spiders. _All the more reason to get out of here quickly_ he thought, hastening his already swift and soundless pace.

            Legolas hoped the spiders hadn't noticed him yet; if so, it would be a while, if at all, before the dangerous arachnids decided to attack him.

            Thinking of Mirkwood's past as 'Greenwood the Great', Legolas sighed. It used to be so beautiful…

            Legolas was suddenly startled out of his reverie by something that sounded like… singing? It wasn't an elvish voice, that much he knew, and the words weren't elvish either. Why would anyone come here? And then, unexpectedly, a man danced into Legolas's line of sight.

            The first thing that Legolas noticed about this man were his boots – they were a bright, bright yellow. He was a short, old man with a frizzy brown beard long enough to tuck into his belt. Upon his head was a battered brown hat with an ostentatiously bright blue feather sticking out of it.

            "Hey dol, merry dol, ring dong a-dillo," sang the man as he cheerfully jigged around.

            The first thought that went through Legolas's mind was _who is this man_? The second thought was _why is he singing?_ Which meant the third question had to be, _is this man mad?_

            So, Legolas cleared his throat, blinked eyes that had been wide and staring in surprise, and asked, "Pardon me, sir, but who are you?"

            The man sang back, "Merry Tom, jolly Tom, his wife is Goldberry," there was more, but Legolas tuned it out as he tried to remember whether he knew anyone named 'Tom' or 'Goldberry'. Drawing a blank, the Elf said, "Tom who?"

            The man, still grinning and jigging, sang, "Hey dol, merry dol, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            Legolas continued his pondering while the diminutive old man continued his singing rhymes. None of the names were clicking in his head – Legolas just had never heard of 'Tom Bombadillo' before this day!

            'Excuse me," he replied, "but I still do not fully understand."

The old man sang back:

"Oh, Tom Bombadil is a jolly fellow!

Bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow!

Merry dol, derry dol, ring dong a-dillo,

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!" The old man, finished with the verse, beamed as though this would explain everything.

Legolas fought the urge to sigh in frustration. This old man was singing in riddles, in Legolas's opinion. About the only information he had gotten from the man was his name, his wife's name, and a headache.

            Legolas decided that he had no more time for this irritating riddle-game. Lord Elrond had summoned him to Rivendell, there was an important matter that must be discussed. He could tarry here no longer.

            So, Legolas gave up, and said, "Good day, sir," and started to walk away.

            Then, suddenly, there was a bright flash, accompanied by a loud _crack_. Legolas closed his eyes against the blinding light. His head was spinning. Once the spinning stopped, Legolas opened his eyes. Something was different, he noticed. _Is it just me, or did the trees grow a bit bigger?_ Reaching his hand up to rub his temple, he felt it come into contact with… a hat? Looking down, he saw that his legs seemed to be a lot shorter and his boots were… yellow?

            Realization hit like a drenching in cold water. "Oh no…" he whispered. 

So, what do you think? REVIEW, please!!! I appreciate it! If you're wondering just _how_ Lego got transported into Tom's body, don't worry, you'll find out one of these chapters…


	2. Ai, Valar

Hey, wow, thanks for all the great reviews everyone!!! Really awesome!!! Anywho, as previously stated, this here story is a collaboration between me and Sulia Shincho. I would like to thank her very much for coming up with excellent stuff!!!!!! Here's more:

            Legolas looked up. Sure enough, there was an elf that looked suspiciously like _him_ standing close by.

            "'Ere now, what's all this then?" said Tom, who was currently in Legolas's body. Then, realizing that it didn't much matter, it was a grand joke, Tom laughed.

 Legolas's immediate thought was, _do I honestly sound like **that**_? However, his mind was soon occupied by more important matters.

"Do you know how this happened?" Legolas asked, wondering if the odd old man had had any part in this. Legolas's query was rewarded with another song:

"Jolly Tom doesn't know, ring a-ding dillo,

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!"

_Sweet merciful Eru,_ thought Legolas, _THAT is what my singing sounds like?!_ Truth be told, it wasn't that unpleasant, but Legolas hadn't expected his voice to sound like _that._

His thoughts turned back to the body-switching thing. If Tom had no idea what had happened and Legolas didn't either, then _who would_?

"What are you doing?' inquired Legolas curiously as he watched Tom dance and sing.

"Hey diddly doodly do, ding derry dillo,

Sing and dance, dance and sing, ring a-dong dillo,

Sing a song, sing **along**, join Bombadill-o!" sang Tom, still jigging despite the fact that he had somehow switched bodies with the elf. Had anyone that Legolas knew been here, they would have found it a most amusing sight. Legolas _never_ danced if he could help it, and now he _appeared_ to be doing a merry jig while singing nonsense at the top of his lungs. To Legolas, though, this was all very disturbing.

"I see," he sighed. _How am I supposed to get to Rivendell like this?! And how can this man stand this **beard**?! _he thought, scratching the side of his mouth. It itched. Ai, Valar, it itched!

"Tom," said Legolas, walking up to the man who was currently inhabiting his body, and snatching a dagger from its sheath, "Give me that!" And then, sitting down on a rock, Legolas began to shave. Being an elf, he had never had occasion to shave before this. It was almost a bad thing – if Legolas had, he might have had some semblance of an idea about what he was doing now.

But eventually (and with a few nicks and scrapes), most traces of the beard were gone. Rubbing his jaw in satisfaction, Legolas looked up to see that Tom was now clapping along to his singing as he twirled about. _Oh well_, thought the elf, _at least the beard is gone_.

But, alas, it wasn't gone for long. With a small _pop_, Legolas once again had waist-length facial hair.

"Does your beard ever stay _gone_?!" Legolas grumbled after attempting to shave the beard off again, only to have it grow out. "Never mind, forget I asked!" said Legolas quickly, remembering Tom's nonsense songs. He wanted to be spared the torture, but it was too late.

"Hey diddly, shave away, Tom's beard is stronger,

Doodly dum, with every shave, Tom's beard grows ever longer,

Hey dol, merry dol, ring ding a-dillo,

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Legolas grimaced. His patience was wearing thin. "Tom," he asked, "May I please have my bow?" He would feel a lot better with a weapon.

Tom, in response, sang, 

"Hey dol, merry dol, ring a-dong dillo,

  Doddly dum, here's your bow, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Snatching his bow away, Legolas realized that he didn't have his arrows, either. "My quiver, too," he commanded, suppressing the irritation in his voice.

Handing Legolas the quiver of arrows, Tom sang,

"Hey dol, jolly dol, ding dong a-dillo,

Pully tum, your quiver and bow, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Grinding his teeth, and growling in annoyance, Legolas strapped on his quiver. About to sling his bow back as well, Legolas noticed something. The body of Legolas the Elf was a good two feet taller that the body of Tom Bombadil, which meant… Legolas held up the bow as though he were going to take a shot. It was too big… much too big. _Perhaps it still will work_, thought Legolas, and he nocked an arrow, aiming at a tree. When he tried to draw the arrow back, however, he realized that not only was his _own _body taller than Tom's, it was much stronger as well.

Pulling the bowstring back, Legolas found that he could only pull it a maximum of four centimeters, a bit more if he wanted to cramp his fingers. _This is just great! I am nearly defenseless with only a bow that's bigger than I am and two daggers!_ thought Legolas, his eyebrows knitting together.

_Ai, Valar, let me travel without being attacked!_ It would be knife-work if something did attack him, and while his old body might have been a fighter, this new one certainly was not.

"Let us go," he said to Tom, "I must head to Rivendell – it is a hundred and fifty miles from here. If we travel all day and all night we should reach Lord Elrond's house in just over four days." _And with any luck, Lord Elrond will be able to **fix** this predicament_ Legolas added silently. Tom started to sing, 

"Derry do, let us go,

Ring a-ding dillo,

Far to go – can't be slow,

Tom Bombadill-o!"

Rolling his eyes Legolas led the way with Minstrel Tom following behind in the old body that Legolas was longing to inhabit again. "Why me?" he muttered, blocking out Tom's meaningless, confusing songs that he just couldn't understand.

So, what thinketh everyone? REVIEW PLEASE, next chapter will be here shortly! Oh, and the beard thing, it has nothing to do with Tom's magic, just his physiology. And, don't worry, we plan on saying who switched the bodies around… 


	3. And who's the old man?

Hey, everyone!!! Sulia and I thank you profusely for your reviews!!! You people rock!!! Here is another installment in this insanity:

            The next several days passed without much incident, unless one counted Tom breaking into song wherever and _whenever_ possible and Legolas nearly reaching the end of his sanity. (Not to mention Legolas's urge to silence Tom, but Legolas, of course, pushed those evil thoughts aside immediately)

            There were a few new problems that the odd duo found during their journey. One, Legolas couldn't quite keep up with Tom all the time, and had to run because the legs that Tom had were much longer than the ones that Legolas was currently using. To make matters even worse, as an elf, Legolas was used to being able to travel silently. However, the body of Tom Bombadil was not conducive to silence. No matter how hard Legolas tried, he always ended up stomping through the forest. It was frustrating, to say the least.

            Finally, the two of them got to a point several miles outside of Rivendell. Border guards quickly approached them.

            "Ah," said one guard, "Legolas! We've been wondering when you'd get here! We could hear you coming from forty leagues off! But…" the guard turned to the real Legolas, who was, of course, in Tom's body and said, "Who is this man with you?"

            Tom started to sing, "Hey diddly doodly do –" but was cut off when Legolas quickly half elbowed, half tackled him out of the way. Legolas grinned and bowed to the guards. "_I_ am Legolas, son of King Thranduil of Mirkwood," he said, and, pointing to Tom, added, "This is Tom Bombadil."

            Exchanging glances, the guards were trying to determine if the short, wizened companion of Leg… no, wait, "Tom" was crazy or just down right stupid.

            "Sure…" the first guard spoke up in a disbelieving tone. "Of _course_ you're Legolas, sir."

            Catching the dripping sarcasm in the guard's voice, Legolas sighed in frustration. He was Legolas, son of King Thranduil, not some short, ugly old man that loved to stomp, sing, and jig all day! How was he going to explain this?

            "I am serious! I _am _Legolas! Tom and I have somehow switched bodies," he insisted. Seeing the guards' skeptical stares, he gestured to Tom, who was now jigging about while singing a merry tune about willow trees. "Have you ever seen _me_ act like _that_?" he asked, incredulous.

The guards thought about this.

"Well…" said one of them eventually.

"No," admitted the other.

Legolas smiled out of pure irritation. "Now then," he said, clapping a hand over Tom's mouth, "May we please speak with Lord Elrond?"

"Well, you see…" began the first guard, laughing nervously while Legolas glared daggers at him.

"Go on," encouraged Legolas with death in his voice.

"Lord Elrond is… kind of… tending to a hobbit right now," explained the second guard, attempting not to laugh at Legolas's sad effort of trying to look threatening.

            "This is urgent!" declared Legolas.

            Both guards looked at each other, then shrugged in unison. "We can take you in," said the first. 

"But you'll have to wait for Lord Elrond to be done," sighed the second guard.

"Very well," conceded an extremely annoyed Legolas. "Come along, you!" he said, grabbing the arm of Tom (who was jigging in place and trying to sing)

            The guards led Legolas and Tom (who was now humming happily) to Elrond's office, and said, "Wait here."

            Legolas sat down in a chair across from Elrond's desk, and pulled Tom into a second chair before he could resume doing a jig. They waited. Legolas sat in stony silence, but Tom hummed even louder and tapped his boots on the floor. Finally, Tom couldn't take sitting (relatively) still any longer. He got up, and started to jig around the room.

            Just then, Elrond opened the door, which smacked Tom into the wall."Oh," said Elrond, looking at Tom, "Legolas! What brings you here? I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow!"

            "Excuse me, Lord Elrond," said the real Legolas, "But it is I who is Legolas."

            "Odd," commented Elrond, "I could have sworn you were Tom Bombadil."

            "Actually," said Legolas, pointing, "He is."

            Tom began to sing,

            "Oh, Tom Bombadil is a jolly fellow,

            Bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow,

            Hey dol, merry dol, ring a-dong dillo,

            Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            "Our bodies were somehow switched," explained Legolas before Tom could belt out another nonsensical rendition of his song.

            "I see," replied Elrond.


	4. First time on pipeweed?

Hi, everyone!!! We love the reviews!!! Keep 'em coming! Oh, just so you know about the updates, we take the weekends off, but here's a brand new chapter for today:

            "And you have no idea how this happened?" asked Elrond for what seemed like the tenth time.

            "No. It just sort of… happened," answered Legolas, sounding repetitive since it was nearly the tenth time he'd had to say this.

Elrond quickly held up a hand to silence Tom, who had opened his mouth, about to sing. Then Elrond said the words that Legolas ad been dreading – "I am sorry, Legolas. I do not know how to fix this."

            "What?!" gasped Legolas, "But, Lord Elrond, you are a renowned healer! Surely there is some way-"

            Elrond shook his head. "There is no way that I know of…"

            "Have you n_ever_ treated a case like this before?!" Legolas asked, suppressing the whiny element threatening to come out in his voice. 

            "Actually… no I've never handled such a thing as this before," shrugged Elrond, "I'm sorry, Legolas."

            Legolas sighed, dejected. "Is there nothing I can do?" he asked.

            Elrond considered. "Well…" he finally began, "You might consult Mithrandir. He is staying in Rivendell, as well."

            Legolas jumped to his feet. Surely the wizard would know what to do! "Thank you, Lord Elrond!" he exclaimed, bowing. "Where can Mithrandir be found?"

            "He is in the library right now," answered Elrond.

            "Thank you again! Come on Tom!" Legolas replied, grabbing Tom's wrist and dragging the elven body that was housing Tom's mind with him down the corridors as he went to find Gandalf. (Though not without giving Elrond a final bow)

            Racing down the halls, Legolas blocked out most of Tom's useless, insane singing, but soon Legolas was muttering along to the "ring dong a-dillo" and "Tom Bombadill-o!" parts. 

            Eventually realizing that he had been participating in this inane madness, Legolas thought, _Ai, Valar, what **is** the world coming to?_ before screeching to a stop in front of the library.

            Dragging Tom with him, Legolas yanked open the door to find Gandalf (called by the elves 'Mithrandir') sitting and smoking his pipe while surrounded by piles of books.

            "Mithrandir!" Legolas gasped (Tom's body was not well-suited to running and dragging heavy objects) and bowed.

            "Legolas?" responded Gandalf, turning to the unsuspecting, jigging, rambling 'Legolas' and the unnaturally quiet, serious 'Tom'. "Legolas," repeated Gandalf, "Is that _dancing_ you're doing?" Gandalf quirked a bushy eyebrow at the grooving body of 'Legolas'.

            Waving his hand to get the wizard's attention, the _real_ Legolas said, "Actually, Mithrandir, _I_ am Legolas. Tom Bombadil and I have somehow switched bodies and we have been to see Lord Elrond about it, but alas, he does not know how to switch us back. Might you be able to?"

            Gandalf thought. And thought. And thought. The sun set and it grew dark outside, and still Gandalf smoked his pipe and pondered while Legolas and Tom looked on.

            Finally Gandalf spoke. "I do not believe I have the means to fix this, Legolas. I know not how it was done, and as such I do not know how it can be un-done."

            Legolas's face fell upon hearing Gandalf's reply.

            Tom began a song:

            "Hey dong doodly do, diddly ding dillo,

            Mister Gandalf doesn't know, fal lal the willow,

            How to switch the bodies of the elf and Bombadill-o,

            Hey doodly, ho diddly, ring ding a-dillo!"

            "Shut up, you," growled Legolas, shaking his fist with an urge to kill Tom for two reasons: One, he was being _extremely_ annoying, and two, he wasn't being serious. Singing at a time like this! Ai, Valar…

            Gandalf, seeing the murderous glint in Legolas's eyes, quickly interjected, "But that does not mean that it cannot be fixed. Perhaps there is some way…" Gandalf resumed his slow, ponderous contemplative smoking while Legolas stared, exasperated.

            "Give me a puff or two of that!" grumbled Legolas, grateful for once to not be in his normal body. Elves couldn't handle pipe-weed very well.

            Shrugging a bit, Gandalf handed Legolas his pipe and allowed the non-elven Legolas to have a few puffs before taking the pipe away again. Gandalf then continued his musing, without having to worry about Legolas's murderous glint anymore, for Legolas was now staring blankly _at_ the windows.

            "Whoa," he commented, while running his fingertips up and down the window frame, "I can see why you like this stuff…"

            Gandalf gave him an amused, all-knowing look and muttered, "First time on pipe-weed, eh? Everybody gets like that their first time…"

Sooo, what doth happen next? If all of thee dost review, then the next chapter shalt be posted for thine enjoyment sometime soon…


	5. Am I leaning?

Hi, everyone!! We would like to extend a big thanks to Sunfalling, your review gave us the idea we needed for this chapter! I doth hope that everyone liketh this chapter:

            Gandalf continued thinking, and Legolas continued his fascinated examination of the windows. Tom eventually grew disinterested in the silence, and jigged out of the room to find something to sing about. He soon jigged back in, not wanting to miss something. This continued on and on, but neither Gandalf nor Legolas noticed. 

            "Mithrandir?" spoke up Legolas.

            "Hmm?"

            "May I have another puff of that pipe?"

            This time Gandalf gave the matter of the pipe a little more thought than before. _Perhaps giving him a few puffs earlier was not such a great idea. Oh well, he is only a little light-headed, I suppose a bit more could not hurt him… much._ Giving Legolas a nod, Gandalf handed him the pipe.

            "Thank you," replied Legolas. This time, Legolas took quite a few more puffs of the pipe than before, and would have continued smoking even longer, but Gandalf interrupted.

            "Legolas," he said.

            "Mmm?"

            "May I have my pipe back please?"

            "But Mithrandir," Legolas protested, "May I have it just a _little_ longer?"

            "You've been at it for the last hour and a half, Legolas! I think that's enough to last you the rest of the night," argued Gandalf, taking his pipe away.

            "Ah, come on, Mithrandir, no one bothers you when you smoke for three hours straight!" Legolas whined, trying to grab the pipe away from the taller wizard.

            "That is because it is MY pipe!" scowled Gandalf.

            Five minutes passed in silence.

"Whoa, am I leaning?" inquired Legolas.

"No."

"Are you sure? Because I think that I am leaning…"

Gandalf heaved a sigh. "Legolas, you are sitting in an armchair!"

"Whoa… how did I get there?"

Gandalf just barely managed to stop short of slapping his forehead with his palm. "You sat down, Legolas."

"When?"

"It is not important."

"I see," replied a wide-eyed Legolas, solemnly. The answer satisfied him for a moment, then, looking under his elbow, Legolas exclaimed, "Hee hee, Armrests!"

Gandalf muttered, "Ilúvatar help me…"

While resting his elbows on the armrests, the ever-so-obsevant Legolas failed to notice that Tom was, for once, silent and currently occupied with shoving one of Legolas's elbows off an armrest, only to put one of his own elbows on, while maintaining a rather cheesy grin on his face.

"Hey!" cried Legolas, finally noticing that his elbow wasn't on the armrest anymore. "My elbow was there first!"

Sang Tom,

"Hey diddly doodly do, ding derry dillo,

It's my armrest, too, Tom Bombadill-o!" Legolas, thoroughly annoyed, sang back,

"Hey dol, merry dol, ring dong a-dillo,

It is not just your armrest, Tom Bombadillo,

It originally came from Old Man Willow,

Hey dol, merry dol, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Tom shrugged. "Impressive. You're catching on."

Gandalf stared. "_What _was that?"

Tom, startled, cleared his throat, and replied,

"Hey diddly nothing dol, Tom Bombadill-o,

The elf was singing about Old Man Willow,

And it was done with impressive skill-o,

The elf is catching on to Tom Bombadill-o!"

Legolas then sang,

"Hey dol, merry dol, ring a-ding dillo,

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Elrond cam bursting into the room. "Just _what_ is going on in here?" His eyes fell on the now do-si-doing Tom and Legolas. "Oh no…it is worse than I feared…"

"Speak for yourself, you did not have to suffer through it," muttered Gandalf, smoking his pipe-weed again. "Ilúvatar, I really needed this!" He gently kissed his pipe. "Can never give those hobbits too much credit…"

"Do you not know of some was to correct _this_?!" Elrond demanded, pointing at the jigging and singing duet that was Tom and Legolas.

"Um…" –here there was a moment of silence – "No."

Whew, there were a lot of songs in this chapter… PLEASE REVIEW, it makes us ever so happy!


	6. I do not want to and you cannot make me!

Greetings, everyone! We love the reviews! Here there be more craziness:

Both Elrond and Gandalf turned to look at each other, and shared equal grimaces. It had been forty-five minutes since Elrond had entered the room, and the pipe-weed's effect showed no sign of wearing off. If anything, it seemed to be getting stronger.

            Legolas and Tom were kick-dancing around the room, singing. As they nearly knocked over a bookshelf, Gandalf sighed, and said, "You would think that one of them would have begun to see sense by now."

            Elrond, almost amused, shook his head and replied, "They only seem to be encouraging each other. Perhaps we should separate them."

            "That would be wise, but we'd need some help in keeping one of them under control," agreed Gandalf, giving Elrond something to ponder about.

            "Legolas, get out!" ordered Elrond.

            "Hey diddly ho, diddly doodly dillo,

            Legolas say no, so does Tom Bombadill-o!" Legolas replied, sticking his tongue out at Elrond.

            Taken aback by Legolas's action, Elrond muttered, vaguely shaking his fist, "Why you little… if I wasn't your elder I'd…"

            "Elder? You are only a few millennia older than I am, at most!"

            "A _few_ millennia?" mumbled Elrond. However, Legolas did not hear this part, as he and Tom were engaged in a furious thumb-wrestling match.

            "Hey!" said Legolas when Tom won, "No fair! Your fingers are longer than mine!"

            A rather thoughtful look passed over Legolas's face as he repeated the last sentence to himself. "No, wait," he said, "I mean my fingers are longer than yours. I mean… that is to say, they _were_ my fingers, but…" as Legolas trailed off, lost in thought, Elrond glanced at Gandalf.

            "Now," said the elf-lord. With surprising speed, he and the wizard grabbed Legolas's arms.

            "Come on, Legolas," said Gandalf as the elf struggled to escape.

            "It's for the best, really," added Elrond through clenched teeth.

            Kicking, screaming, and cursing, Legolas fought back while Tom made himself nice and cozy in _Legolas's_ armchair. 

"Hey! Get out of my chair!" Legolas shouted, kicking Gandalf in the shin.

"Brat…" mumbled Gandalf as Legolas continued to throw a fit, "he's three thousand going on three…" Looking at Elrond, they both nodded and began dragging Legolas, quite forcibly, out of the room.

"Where are you taking me?!" yelled Legolas.

"To a better place, Legolas. A place where you can rest until the pipe-weed wears off," replied Elrond, pulling on the non-elven elf's arm.

"Nooo! Tom, help me! You're bigger than he is! _Do something!_" pleaded Legolas while Elrond and Gandalf hauled him away.

Tom's reply was,

"Bombadil cannot help, ring dong a-dillo,

You must fend for yourself, Tom Bombadill-o!"

"Noooooo!" yelled Legolas as they forced him out of the room and down the hall.

Coming to a guest room, Elrond briefly took one hand off of Legolas's arm to open the door. He and Gandalf dragged Legolas into the room and shoved him onto the bed. 

Dusting his hands, Gandalf left. Elrond turned to follow, but then turned back, and, pointing a finger at Legolas, said, "Stay." Then Elrond locked the door and left.

Once again Legolas stuck his tongue out at the place where the elf-lord had been standing, and then sat on the bed, observing his new environment. "Party poopers," he pouted.

Suddenly a soft singing sound could be heard from outside the door.

"Hey diddly doodly do, ring doddly dillo,

Tom is here to free you, Tom Bombadill-o!"

Legolas jumped as the door opened. "Tom!" he exclaimed, "You are a _lifesaver_!" Both of the insane, hyperactive, and utterly (at the moment) tone-deaf men dashed from the "prison" room, as Legolas called it, and down the hall.

This was the last that was seen of tem for several hours, until Elrond heard a knock outside his door.

"Who is it?" he called, not used to having visitors at such a late hour.

"It's Aragorn," a tired-sounding voice answered.

            Elrond opened the door, and saw Aragorn standing there with a hand each on the shoulders of Legolas (who was humming with a huge grin on his face) and Tom (who was imitating Legolas)

            "Are these two yours?" asked Aragorn, "For I was reasonably sure that this (he tapped the shoulder of Tom) was Legolas, but he is acting extremely odd. I thought you might know?" the end of Aragorn's sentence rose in a question.

            "I suppose you should leave them with me," sighed Elrond. As Aragorn left, Elrond opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, both Tom and Legolas pointed at each other and said, "He did it!"

            Elrond took several deep breaths in and out before answering. "That is _it!_" he said vehemently, "I have no choice but to separate you two. Legolas, you are going back to your room _now_ and you will stay there!"

            Legolas crossed his arms and shook his head. "I do not want to and you cannot make me!"

            "We shall see about that," replied Elrond, "Aragorn?" he called back to his foster son, who had almost left the hallway, "Could you help us a minute please?"

            And so, for a second time, Legolas found himself being dragged to his room. As they reached the door, he proclaimed, "It will not work! I am going to get out as soon as you put me in here so ha ha ha!"

            "Would you please go fetch me some rope?" Elrond said to Aragon in reply. As Aragorn left, Elrond stood in front of the doorway and said to Legolas, "I don't believe you will find it as easy to escape this time."

            "Not true!"    

            "It is so true!" replied Elrond.

            "Is not!"

            "Is-" began the elf-lord, but Aragorn had come back with the rope. Working quickly, they tied an extremely annoyed but pretty much powerless Legolas-in-Tom's-body to the bed. As they were leaving, Elrond said, "It's for your own good! Trust me!"

            Legolas could plainly be heard muttering, "You are not my friend anymore."

And so children, the moral of today's chapter is _do not use pipe-weed to solve your problems_! And also, do please review!! Thanks!


	7. Sweet merciful Eru!

Helloooo, everyone! Sulia and I would like to thank you ever so much for the reviews! You people are awesome! ^__^ It's a 3-day weekend, so expect a new chapter come Monday, 'k? All-righty then:

            Legolas woke up to have the sun beaming brightly in his face. Slowly opening his eyes in the blinding sunlight, the first thing that Legolas saw was the beard. _What a lovely sight_, he thought sarcastically. The next thing he noticed was a pounding headache. "My head…" he mumbled, attempting to move his hands to his temples in order to rub them. It was then that he realized he couldn't move his hands.

            "What happened?" he muttered. Then he noticed that the reason he couldn't move his hands was because they were tied to the bed he was lying on, as were his legs.

            "Oh sweet merciful Eru!" he exclaimed, so loudly that it was almost a yell, "What happened?"

            "You had a little too much pipe-weed…" said a voice coming from somewhere to his left. Legolas turned his head, and saw Lord Elrond standing there.

            "Lord Elrond," Legolas said, "Why was I smoking pipe-weed? Wait… it is all coming back to me now…" Legolas quickly searched through his dim, cloudy memories of the night before and turned red in embarrassment. "I must apologize…"

            "I doubt that it'll be happening again anytime soon, no need to apologize, Legolas," Replied the elf-lord, interrupting Legolas's apology.

            "Yes, Lord Elrond," nodded Legolas, attempting to break loose from his restraints. "Um…Lord Elrond… could you untie me, please?" Wincing in embarrassment, Elrond untied Legolas.

            Once free, Legolas stood and bowed. "Thank you," he said.

            Elrond nodded. "There is a council convening in an hour. It's the reason I called you here in the first place. Please bring Tom with you."

            Legolas nodded, relieved that Elrond wasn't angry with him. As the elf-lord left, Legolas sighed. Now he had to go and round up Tom… but where would a crazy, musical, non-elf-in-an-elf's-body be?

            "Oh, Tom Bombadil is a jolly fellow, 

            Look how tall he is and his boots were once yellow,

            Hey dol, merry dol, ring a-ding dillo,

            Oh Tom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!" Legolas heard Tom's, no wait, _his_ voice singing from outside.

            "Oh Eru, please, no," groaned Legolas, tentatively going to his window and glancing down from it, only to see Tom singing and jigging, amusing two hobbits. "Why me? Tom!"

            Tom hadn't heard Legolas's shout and continued jigging. Sighing (which he seemed to be doing a lot of lately) Legolas shouted again, louder. "TOM!"

            This caught Tom's attention for a few milliseconds before he decided to ignore Legolas.

            Anger flared in Legolas's eyes as the murderous glint from the night before returned. "Tom, get up here!" Legolas attempted again, but to no avail.

            Sighing and muttering, "Why Eru? What did I _ever_ do to you?" Legolas ran down the hall and outside to go get Tom. 

            Upon finding him, Legolas noticed that the hobbits were now jigging and singing as well.

            "Tom," said Legolas, "We must go!"

            "Who're you?" asked the shorter hobbit. 

            "Legolas, son of Thranduil," he replied before turning back to Tom. "Tom, get over here now before I…" Legolas brandished his fist menacingly.

            "Well, tha's no' very nice!" exclaimed the other hobbit.

            Legolas took it upon himself to ignore the last comment. _Besides, I am here to get Tom, right? Right!_

            Grabbing Tom's wrist and starting to walk away, Legolas said very hurriedly to the hobbits, "Really, it has been nice seeing you but we must be going." The strain was evident in his voice and it sounded as though he were about to go on a homicidal rampage.

            "No," argued Tom, resisting Legolas, "I'll stay!"

            Tugging on Tom's wrist, Legolas slowly and with great difficulty dragged Tom along with him.

            "Come…on…Tom!" grunted Legolas, managing to pull Tom a total of six inches.

            "Only if you sing," bargained Tom

            "Fine!" Legolas said, not fully registering what Tom had said. Once realization set in, Legolas turned a deep shade of crimson. "Oh no…" he said.

            "You promised," said Tom

            Rolling his eyes, Legolas sang,

            "Hey diddly, this is dumb, doodly dong dillo,

            This is dumb, you singing bum, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            The hobbits cheered and broke into applause.

            "All right, I sang, now we go," Legolas declared, pulling Tom along while the hobbits decided to grab on to Tom.

            "If he goes, we go!" they announced.

            "Fine! Fine…" muttered Legolas, continuing to drag them.

You know, when this story is done, Legolas is never going to forgive us. But, anywho, PLEASE REVIEW! (heh, that rhymed!)


	8. Do you everrr SHUT UP?

Hey, thanks for the reviews you guys! The site went down on Thursday (grrr….) so I had to post the last chapter on Friday… But anyways, you people rock for reviewing, and here is today's chapter:

            Legolas continued dragging Tom and the hobbits.

            "Where're we goin'?" asked the shorter hobbit.

            "Elrond's convened a council," was the curt reply.

            "Right… and who're you?"

            "Legolas, son of Thranduil," Legolas growled through clenched teeth.

            "And why are you in Tom's body?"

            "I do not know."

            "Why don't you know?" questioned the other hobbit, joining in on this most irritating interrogation.

            "Perhaps because no one can explain this to me," Legolas replied, trying to manage his anger. Why did these hobbits have to be so annoying?!

            "Hey diddly doddly dillo,

            Nor does Tom Bombadillo know,

            Such a tragedy, oh, dillo,

            For me, Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom, once again aggravating Legolas.

            "Grrrr…." Luckily, Legolas was saved from turning into a homicidal maniac by the fact that they'd come to the porch where the council was being held.

            "We _really_ have to leave you now," he said to the hobbits.

            "It's not fair," said one.

            "We weren't invited," said the other.

            _Thank Eru for that_, thought Legolas. "Come on, Tom." Legolas pulled the resisting Tom up to the porch, to find Gandalf sitting by a hobbit, Lord Elrond, Aragorn, a dwarf with a wiry brown beard that had been braided, as well as other dwarves, various elves, and several men gathered in seats around a pedestal.

            "Lord Elrond," said Legolas, bowing, "I apologize for being late…"

            "Elrond raised one angled eyebrow. "I suppose, that, considering the circumstances, it is most understandable. Have a seat…"

            Legolas sat down and pulled Tom into the chair next to his.

            Elrond began, "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor."

            Tom turned to Legolas with a questioning look on his face, but Legolas held up a hand to keep him quiet.

            Elrond continued, "Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. You will untie or you will fall. Bring forth the ring, Frodo."

            The hobbit that had been sitting next to Gandalf set the ring on the center pedestal. As everyone present gasped in horror, Tom turned to Legolas, eyes wide with delight.

            "It's so shiny!" he exclaimed. And then he began to sing,

            "Hey doodly diddly do-" here Legolas hid his face in embarrassment,

            "-ring dong a-dillo,

            The ring is a shiny thing, fal lal the willow,

            The ring is _very_ shiny, says Tom Bombadill-o!"

            All eyes turned to Tom, seeing "Legolas" sing about the evil ring before them. Hanging his head in shame Legolas just wanted the moment to pass. Thankfully it passed when the previously described dwarf hit Tom about the head.

            "Hey doodly diddillo,

            That hurt you know,

            Oh, Tom Bombadill-o,

            It hurt the head of Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom, rubbing the bump that was now forming on his head.

            Suddenly, Boromir stood up. "Who and what are you," he demanded, "For that is no elvish name you give!"

            Tom began to sing, "Oh, Tom Bombadil is a jolly fellow-" but was interrupted when Legolas said (rather loudly) as he clapped a hand over Tom's mouth, "Actually, _I_ am the elf. I am Legolas, son of the Elvenking, Thranduil, of Mirkwood. My…erm…companion… is Tom Bombadil." 

            "You do not look like an elf!" said Boromir, doubtfully and with more than a hint of anger.

            "That would be because, by some means unbeknownst to me, he and I have switched bodies."

            That shut Boromir up but good. "Oh," he said, and sat down.

            "May we continue?" Elrond interrupted. "As I was saying… this is the One Ring forged by the Dark Lord Sauron. It was made in the fires of Mount Doom, and Only there can it be unmade. We must throw the ring back into the fiery chasm **from whence it came**!"

            Boromir stood up again, and Elrond had to clench his hands into fists in an attempt to conceal his anger.

            "It is a gift!" declared Boromir, "a gift to the foes of Mordor! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy! Let us use it _against_ him!"

            "You cannot wield it. None of us can!" Aragorn oh-so-wisely stated.

            Tom began another rousing tune,

            "Doodly deedly diddly muck, ring dong a-dillo,

            You sound like a duck, Tom Bombadill-o,

            Just like a duck that lives near Old Man Willow,

            Hey diddly, ho diddly, hey doodly dillo!"

            Once again the dwarf hit Tom, but this time he used the hilt of his axe. "Do you everrrr SHUT UP?"

That's all for today, folks, but if you wanna see more of it, I must humbly ask you to REVIEW, PLEASE!!! Thank you!


	9. You have what was formerly my bow!

Hey, everybody, this is KarateElf! I am so sorry for not updating these past two days, but there were some… technical difficulties. Anyhow, I would like to give a big gigantic THANK YOU to our wonderful reviewers! Sulia and I think you guys are great! Here is the much-delayed update:

            Elrond sighed and rubbed his furrowed brow in frustration. "This is becoming quite a problem," he muttered, about to attempt to regain control of the loud, argumentative council. "SILENCE!" No one heard and they continued to argue. Taking a deep breath, Elrond tried again. "**SILENCE, EVERYONE**!" he thundered. Complete silence. Everybody looked at the elf-lord, stunned.

            "Now then, as I was saying," continued Boromir. "What would a _ranger_ know of this matter?"

            Legolas decided to prove that, unlike Tom, he knew something of what was going on. He stood up, and said, "This is no mere ranger! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn!"

            Boromir glared at everyone present with barely disguised contempt. "Aragorn, son of Arathorn? This –" he just barely managed to stop himself from saying 'disgusting little slime-ball' "- is Isildur's heir?"

            Legolas decided that he really didn't like this man, and it couldn't hurt to rub a little salt in the wound. "_And_ heir to the throne of Gondor," he continued loftily.  

            Aragorn knew that soon a fight would be brewing, and said, "Havo dad (sit down), Legolas,"

            Reluctantly, make that _very_ reluctantly, Legolas went back to his seat, though not without giving Boromir one last death glare.

            "This dislike is strong, dillo hey deedly dillo,

            Between Legolas and Boromir, senses Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom loudly. Oh, how true that song was hey diddly doodly dillo.

            Legolas, Boromir and nearly everyone else at the council gave Tom a fierce glower, and he quieted down.

            Elrond cleared his throat and said, "The ring must be destroyed!"

            "What arrre we waitin' forrr?" the axe-wielding dwarf shouted, slamming his axe down onto the ring. The axe, of course, shattered into about a dozen pieces.

            "The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Glóin, by any craft that we here possess. It was made in the fires of Mount Doom, and only there can it be un-made." Elrond wisely informed the impatient dwarf, " One of _you_ must do this."

            Another argument ensued among the council, with many death threats and insults aimed at people's mothers.

            Frodo, unable to stand another round of drawn swords and "Well, YOUR mama –" stood up and said, "I will take it!" Unfortunately, this was unheard as Boromir had just made a comment about "stupid prancing elves" and Legolas had to help restrain one of Elrond's councilors.

            Frodo repeated, louder, "I WILL TAKE IT!"

            Everyone froze in place. Boromir was choking Legolas, who was in the process of kicking him… er… somewhere. Gimli had his axe poised above Tom's head, and Tom had frozen in mid-jig. Gandalf was brandishing his staff menacingly at several men of Gondor and a Rivendell elf, who were cowering in fear.

            Seeing everyone's wide, staring eyes coupled with the eerie silence made Frodo uneasy so he elaborated, "I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way."

            The cowering men of Gondor and Rivendell elf straightened up as Gandalf backed away from them. Boromir unconsciously loosed his hold on Legolas's throat, causing Legolas to fall on his butt. Gimli put down his axe and Tom's mouth just gaped open in shock. 

            Everyone was speechless, that is until Gandalf sad to the hobbit, "I will help you bear this burden, as long as it is yours to bear."

            And then Aragorn spoke up, "You have my sword!"

            Elrond glanced at Legolas who put in, "And you have what was formerly my bow!" When everyone looked at him, as if to say 'you're not helping' he added, "But my knives are also very sharp, you have them, too!"

            Frodo nodded with a bit of a relieved smile on his face which promptly vanished when Tom stood up and clearly sang, 

            "Oh, deedly doodly dillo,

            Young hobbit has the help of Tom Bombadill-o,

            And the songs of Tom Bombadill-o,

            Doddly dum, deedly do, do diddly dillo!"

            Everyone winced at Tom's… er… way of giving his services.

            Frodo was the first one to recover his voice, and said, "Well, the songs did work on the evil willow that was eating Merry and Pippin… and I suppose Tom also banished the barrow-wight… so…. I gladly accept your help!"

            This startled everyone even worse, and several elves promptly keeled over in shock.

            Gimli, stepping forward, added, "Well, in that case, you have _my_ axe!" The other members of this fellowship looked _extremely _relieved at Gimli's statement; however, Legolas was worried about _his_ body. 

            Walking up and grabbing Gimli by the beard, Legolas hissed, "Now you listen to me. You had better not chop **_my_** old body, which I hope to be back in someday **_soon_**, or I swear, by Eru, I will…" Legolas trailed off when he realized that everyone was staring at him.

 Abruptly releasing the dwarf's beard, Legolas went back to where he had been standing. As he went past Boromir, the man whispered, "Nice show of anger…"

Slowly, Legolas edged away from him and towards the unfazed Gimli.

Hey, how'd you like this chapter? Please tell us in your REVIEW! Thanks!


	10. I was merrrely helping!

Hey, everyone! Thank you for the reviews! Sorry for being rather lacking in updates lately, but to make up for it, Sulia and I wrote an extra-long chapter today! Hope you enjoy:

            Elrond was about to say something when a hobbit burst through the decorative foliage.

            "'Ere!" he said, "Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!"

            Elrond decided that the hobbit wasn't much of a nuisance and might actually prove useful on this quest. Nearly smiling at the show of loyalty, he said, "Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you two-" a slight grimace crossed his face at the word 'separate' as the elf-lord remembered Legolas, Tom, and the pipe-weed "- even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

            "Oi! We're coming, too!" declared two more hobbits as they jumped out of their hiding places and ran up to Frodo and the other hobbit.

            It wasn't that Elrond disliked their devotion, it was just that these two were more likely to be nuisances than helpful. Sighing in defeat, Elrond nodded his approval, completely ignoring Legolas who was making gagging noises and pretending to puke in the background.

            "You nine, I mean, ten (A/N whoa, I'm havin' Mary Sue flashbacks here…) shall be the fellowship of the ring!"

            "Right…" said one, "Where're we going?"

            Legolas grimaced and reached for Gimli's axe, but the dwarf had beaten him to it and clonked the hobbit over the head.

            Tom was about to sing until the glare of pure murder form Legolas stopped him.

            "Well, when do we leave?" Gimli questioned gruffly.

            "Now," Elrond answered in a dead serious tone. Taking in the dubious stares, he amended, "Actually, in about three hours…"

            Everyone was satisfied with that answer and Legolas breathed out a sigh of relief – until he smelled the familiar aroma of pipe-weed.

            "Oh, pipe-weed! Where? Where?" Legolas looked around eagerly to find out where the scent was coming from. "Gandalf, do you have your pipe with you?" he asked innocently.

            Quickly hiding the pipe in the sleeves of his robes, Gandalf answered, "No, of course not. You must have been imagining things."

            "There is time for imagining later… I NEED PIPE-WEED!" yelled Legolas looking around frantically. "I must go to find the source of that amazing, addictive scent!" 

            At this, the rest of the fellowship stepped in to restrain Legolas and try to talk some sense into him.

            "Don't you remember what happened last time?" asked Gandalf.

            "Not particularly…"

            Gandalf, with a bit of help from Elrond and Aragorn, retold the tale. At the end, Legolas, looking quite traumatized, said, "You are jesting, correct?"

            Elrond, caught somewhere between wincing and shuddering, said, "Unfortunately not… didn't you wonder _why_ you were tied to your bed this morning?"

            "Yes, somewhere between my headache, what I _was_ remembering, and you talking," nodded Legolas, stilling and scarred for life.

            "This isn't good," muttered Gandalf, resisting the urge to pull out his pipe and start puffing away. For Legolas's sake, and everyone's sanity, he didn't. Instead, he muttered to himself, "Must not start smoking… don't take out the pipe… don't take out the pipe… don't take out the pipe…"

            Elrond noticed this and decided to change the subject. "Well then, doesn't anyone want to go pack?"

            "I do!" Frodo exclaimed, dashing away from the former elf gone insane, and followed by Sam, Merry and Pippin, all of whom were yelling some variant of, "I'm comin' with ya, Mr. Frodo!"

            "So many things to do, hey diddly dillo,

            Tom will come and pack with you, Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom as he hurried after them.

            "At least they're out of the way," Aragorn sighed slightly, relieved that now they only had to deal with Legolas. This idea was proved wrong, however, when Gimli bonked Legolas on the head.

            Legolas turned around and grabbed Gimli's beard, and things would have gone ill, but Aragorn hurriedly stepped in and separated the would-be combatants 

            "He started it!" Legolas claimed, trying to get at Gimli's beard again.

            "The stupid elf is still going afterrr pipe-weed! I was merrrely helping us by putting him out of his miserrry," Gimli defended.

            "All right, that's it, you two, we need to decide what we're going to do next and how we're going to pack," said Aragorn quite patiently.

            "We don't need _you_ to be telling us what we need to be doing!" Boromir stated brusquely.

            "Oh, really? And what would you have us do?" inquired Aragorn.

            Boromir cleared his throat importantly. "I would, of course, have us travel south and take the west road to my city!"

            Legolas rolled his eyes. "_Your_ city? I thought your father was in charge of things…"

            Boromir shot him a death glare telling him to hold his tongue if he wished to keep it.

            That was all it took for Legolas to pull out his dagger, and comment, "You know, this edge is just so nice and sharp. Care to experience it firsthand?" he ended in a growl.

            Since he was being threatened, Boromir pulled out his sword and pointed it at Legolas. "I'm not afraid of you!" smirked Boromir, maintaining his death glare.

            "Bring it on, slime ball!" said Legolas.

            "Shut up, yellow boots!" exclaimed Boromir.

            Aragorn stepped between them. "That's enough!" he said loudly, "Go and pack."

            Legolas was the first one who turned to leave.

            "You're just afraid of me…" remarked Boromir.

            "You just keep telling yourself that, beard boy," replied Legolas.

            "I could call you that, too," Boromir proclaimed in an un-amused way.

            "What are you…" Legolas began until he remembered Tom's forever-there beard. "Shut your mouth, shield man!"

            And thus ends today's chapter. Boromir quite obviously needs anger management and Legolas will never forgive us… PLEASE REVIEW!!! Thank you!


	11. Do I look like I care?

Hey, wow, we're baaaaack! Chapter 11, hot off the press:

Fortunately, three hours passed without incident and the fellowship managed to depart Rivendell without any serious injury. There was complete, uncomfortable silence for a grand total of two seconds before the hobbits began complaining about food. 

            Aragorn, having taken care of them before, chucked the hungry hobbits a few fruits that were growing on nearby trees.

            "Mmmm!" exclaimed one of them (Legolas wasn't sure as to whether it was merry or Pippin) loudly.

            "Quiet!" said Gandalf harshly, "The enemy may hear us!"

            "Hey diddly doddly dum, oh diddly dillo,

            Merry derry doddly dol, creeping in silence dillo,

            Hey dol, merry dol, we must be quiet, willow,

            We must be quiet, says Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom at full volume, making everyone wince and Boromir have the urge to kill, kill, _kill_!

            Boromir's hand slowly edged towards his sword, but Aragorn stopped him, which led to a death-glaring match between the two men until Gandalf intervened with, "Let us keep going, we have a long journey ahead of us."

            Boromir sighed, and quite reluctantly, put his sword away and slung his shield on his back. Aragorn, still glaring, loosed his grip on Boromir's sword arm and continued walking.

            There was silence again, but it lasted a little too long to be called _normal_, and Legolas found himself praying for Tom to start singing. _Of all the things and people I miss, I actually miss Tom's singing?!_ _These past few days must have warped my mind, or else the Valar are playing some great, cosmic joke…to actually miss Tom's nonsense songs (if they can be called songs)_ that last thought put some heart into Legolas, and he convinced himself that it was probably just the after-effects of the pipe-weed.

            Whatever had caused it, Legolas's prayer was soon answered with a whispered chorus of:

            "Hey dol, merry dol ring a-dong dillo!" and before Gandalf could do anything, the hobbits had joined in:

            "Hey diddly, ho diddly, fal lal the willow!

            Oh, Tom Bombadil is a jolly fellow, 

            Bright blue his jacket was and his boots were once yellow,

            Hey dol, merry dol, ring dong a-dillo,

            Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            "SHUT UP!" Boromir, having finally been driven insane (though it wasn't a very far trip), screamed. "HOLD YOUR TONGUES IF YOU WISH TO KEEP THEM!"

            Immediately, the hobbits stopped singing and cowered in fear.

            "Come on, Boromir, don't be too hard on them," calmly advised Aragorn.

            "Stay out of this," Boromir hissed.

            Legolas drew his daggers. "Stop being so violent!" he exclaimed and made to shove Boromir off the edge of the cliff that they were currently standing on.

            "Quit it you two, and Legolas, _no shoving Boromir off of the cliff_!" Gandalf interrupted, moving to stand between Legolas and Boromir.

            "He started it!" insisted Legolas, pointing at Boromir with his dagger.

            "It does not matter who started it, but _I_ am finishing it," stated Gandalf, the sky growing dark and Gandalf's voice growing much deeper and far more menacing than was normal.

            The fellowship briefly covered in fear, but then Legolas, gesturing to Boromir and then to the hobbits, said, "At least tell him to threaten someone his own size!" 

            The hobbits nodded in agreement until Gandalf became even more menacing.

            "Do I look like I care, Legolas?" Gradually Gandalf's boiling rage calmed down to a simmer, "Let's continue without anymore attempted murders, _please_!"

            There was much grumbling about this, but after Gandalf brandished his staff menacingly, everyone quieted down and the fellowship continued to traverse on.

Sorry about the lack of updates, KarateElf is currently juggling three stories at once! (Which is no excuse… but still!) REVIEW, PLEASE!

            


	12. A fell voice is on the air, Tom Bombadil...

Ok, ok, I know, I know, it's been a while… But we're back! Enjoy:

            "Two… one… five… good!" exclaimed Boromir. After Legolas and Aragorn had taken the liberty of spiking his canteen quite generously with pipe-weed, he was in a jovial mood and was, in fact, teaching the Hobbits to sword-fight.

            All the while Aragorn watched in amusement. "Move your feet," he advised.

            Legolas and Gandalf were keeping watch for any trouble, Tom was jigging away, and Gimli was grumbling about their chosen route. "We could go through the Mines of Moria! My cousin Balin would give us a _royal_ welcome!" he declared, not that anyone was actually _listening_ to him.

            "What is that?" asked Merry, pointing in the distance.

            "It's just a wisp of cloud!" insisted the annoyed Dwarf.

            "It's moving fast, then, and against the wind," observed Boromir oh-so-brilliantly.

            "Not true, it is moving in the _same_ direction as your hair is blowing – wait, it is CREBAIN FROM DUNLAND!" yelled Legolas, even though the birds were now close enough for everyone to see.

            "HIDE!" screamed Aragorn, ducking for cover. Everyone else followed suit, moving themselves and their supplies out of sight, as they couldn't afford to be caught.

            "Spies of Saruman!" declared Gandalf, "The passage South is being watched! We must take the pass of Caradhras!" He pointed at a gigantic snowy mountain in the distance.

            Legolas cringed at the thought, and was death-glaring at Tom for having _his_ body – Tom wouldn't have to walk through the cold, damp, all white, _blasted _snow. How lucky was Tom? Too lucky, in Legolas's opinion.

            Sighing, the Fellowship trekked up the mountain. It wasn't long before the snow was over the Hobbits' heads, and it was up to Legolas's neck. Tom, however, was strutting smugly over the top of the drift.

            Unable to resist temptation, Legolas packed a giant snowball and lobbed it at Tom's head. _Direct hit! Hey, he deserved it…_

            "Hey diddly do, deedly who dillo,

            Who threw that at Tom Bombadill-o?

            At ball of snow was thrown at me, Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom.

            The hobbits promptly pointed at Legolas, who pointed at Gimli, who was pointing at Boromir, who was pointing at Aragorn, who was pointing at Legolas.

            At the same time, all of them exclaimed, "_He_ did it!"

            "Traitors!" grumbled Legolas. Suddenly a ball of white, cold fluff hit him in the face. "Hey!" Spitting out the snow, Legolas glared murderously at Tom. If Tom hadn't been in Legolas's body, Legolas probably would've killed him.

            "We must keep going!" Gandalf insisted, shuffling through the snow. His beard was almost pure white, as were Gimli's and Legolas's.

            "But this will be the death of the Hobbits!" protested Boromir, "We cannot go on!" Ever since they'd spiked his canteen with the pipe-weed, the hobbits had been Boromir's best friends.

            Suddenly, Tom sang,

            "Hey dol, doodly dare, ring dong a-dillo,

            A fell voice is on the air, Tom Bombadil-o!"

            Before Legolas registered the full meaning of Tom's song, his immediate thought was, _what I would not give to have my Elvish hearing back…_

            This line of thinking was immediately abandoned when Gandalf announced, "It's Saruman!" and began to chant a spell in an extremely loud tone of voice. (Not that anyone cared, as they couldn't understand it and it wasn't working) The mountaintop came crashing down on the Fellowship.

            Tom was the first to break out of the heavy snow cover.

            "Hey dol, merry dol, fal lal the willow,

            Look at all the snow, Tom Bombadil-o!"

            By now, everyone else had burrowed out. However, Gimli, sensing a prime opportunity, took his axe and whacked the side of the mountain, causing a gigantic mass of snow to completely bury Tom.

            Tom was completely unfazed, as the Fellowship could plainly hear humming coming from under the snow.

            "Does he not know when to shut up?!" grumbled Boromir – the Hobbits might have become his friends, but that didn't mean that Tom was.

            "No," Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf sighed, the wind blowing numbingly in their faces. Snow was covering everyone's hair, and the Hobbit's lips were turning blue.

            "Let the Ringbearer decide what to do," Gandalf sighed.

            "We will go through the Mines!" yelled Frodo, trying to be heard over the howling wind.

            Unbeknownst to the others, the rest of the Hobbits had un-buried Tom.

            "Hey dol, derry do, ring dong a-dillo,

            Tom says thank you, Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom as they trekked, grimacing, down the mountain.

That's all for today folks, but don't worry, the next chapter shall be posted _soon_! (And yes, I _mean _that this time!) SO PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	13. Where there's smoke, there's fire

Hey, long time no see! I know, I know, I lied… It's been four months since the last update. *cringes* sorry, I've been terribly busy… Here is ch 13:

            The weary, annoyed fellowship arrived at the Gates of Moria just after nightfall.

            There was, however, a problem. The doors to the mines wouldn't open. Gandalf yelled, waved his arms, and brandished his staff to no effect. After an hour of this, Tom decided that his "help" was needed.

            "Hey do, diddly do, fal lal the willow,

            _Open_, Tom says to you, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            It still didn't work, though, and Gandalf had the urge to pull out his pipe and start puffing away, but the fear of Legolas trying to get a puff or two made him decide against it. Instead, he sat pondering as the others amused themselves.

            Aragorn and Sam were letting Bill the Pony go free and Merry and Pippin were skipping stones while Gimli grumbled and Legolas paced.

            The door finally opened (with a good degree of help from Frodo) when suddenly a giant, green, slimy octopus-like thing reached out one luminescent tentacle and grabbed Frodo's ankle. As the screaming hobbit was dragged into the air, and most of the company reached for their weapons and waded into the water, Tom began yet another rousing tune.

            "Hey, slimy octopus, monster in the water,

            You are no threat to us, you scheming slimy plotter,

            Hey dol, merry dol, ring dong a-dillo,

            Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            Gandalf hit Tom on the head with his staff. "There's no time for that!" he yelled while the others worked to free Frodo.

            "Hey diddly, stop that, you, Tom will try to save him,

            And save the Ring, a pretty thing, since Sauron has engraved 'im!"

            Gandalf muttered something inaudible; meanwhile, Frodo had been rescued and the creature momentarily incapacitated, so the fellowship hurried into the mines.

            "Hey dol, it's dark in here, derry ding dillo,

            But Tom will sing, so do not fear, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            "Just SHUT UP!" Boromir snarled at Tom – he was creeped out already.

            "Hey diddly, derry do, ring ding a dill-o,

            Tom won't shut up, he'll sing to you, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            Gimli, Aragorn, and Gandalf, unimpressed with this, er… "musical" rendition, began inspecting the corpses that were scattered about the floor.

            Picking up an arrow that had pierced a corpse's chainmaille, Legolas commented, "Goblins!"

            "Hey, diddly, goblins, woo, rang along the willow,

            Creepy, scary goblins, hoo, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            "_SHUT UP_!" screamed the frightened Boromir, drawing his sword.

            Gimli, preoccupied with mourning the loss of his kindred, gave an enraged roar.

            Tom chose to respond with a song. "Tom is sorry for your loss, ring –"

            "NOT NOW!"

            Tom, turning to Legolas, asked, "Hey merry do, doodad, ding dong a-dillo,

            Did something I sang make him mad, Tom Bombadill-o?"

            Legolas glared at Tom, trying to resist the urge to do serious bodily harm to his former body. "Shut up, Tom!" he hissed.

            "Hey diddly-"

            "La la la la, I am not listening, la la la la!" sang Legolas loudly in response, hands clapped firmly over his ears.

            "SILENCE, BOTH OF YOU!" yelled Gandalf.

            "La la la la, I am not listening-"

            "I SAID SILENCE!" roared Gandalf, hitting Legolas about the head with his staff.

            "Meany!" cried Legolas, having a brief pipeweed relapse as he rubbed the bump on his head.

            Gandalf shot Legolas an icy glare to silence him. The glare, however, did absolutely nothing to keep Legolas from stick his tongue out impetuously while the wizard's back was turned.

            A day or so later, the fellowship sat resting at an intersection to three doorways, having trekked through the mines for all of the night and most of the day.

            Gandalf was sitting on a rock, pondering which way to go. Everyone else (with the exception of Legolas) was sitting in assorted places, smoking. Tom had borrowed a pipe off of Merry, and smoked it smugly as Legolas looked on, jealous in the extreme.

            Finally unable to take it anymore, the former Elf quietly snuck behind Aragorn and began oh-so-inconspicuously rummaging through the Ranger's pack.

            At long last managing to grab the man's spare pipe, he tiptoed into a corner and had _just_ barely lighted it when,

            "Oh, it's that way!" declared Gandalf.

            Forgetting to put the pipe out in his haste, Legolas shoved it back into Aragorn's pack as they resumed moving.

            All went well for a while, and they were debating where to go at another junction when Legolas, walking behind Aragorn, noticed something – smoke. Coming out of the Man's pack. "Um… Aragorn?" he began hesitantly.

            "Not now!" the Ranger exclaimed, and resumed discussing with Gandalf.

            "Aragorn-"

            "Shhh!"

            "Aragorn, you really-"

            "I said be quiet! What part of that do you not understand?!"

            Legolas shut his mouth with an annoyed expression as the Ranger's pack began to smoke more heavily. _He cannot say I did not warn him…_

            "Te situation is dire, fal lal the willow-" began Tom, catching on to what was happening.

            "SHUT UP!" screamed Boromir, brandishing his blade.

            Tom whispered the rest of the verse, "Because your pack is on fire, says Tom Bombadill-o!"

            Aragorn, unfortunately, did not hear this musical warning, and they continued walking on.

            Not being as dumb as some people thought he was, Gimli did notice Aragorn's smoking back. Still, he kept quiet about, suppressing a snicker as he mentally thank whoever started the fire. _It's bloody brrrillliant!_

            "Do you smell that?" Boromir inquired in disgust. "Smell like wet cat and cheese."

            Aragorn sniffed the air and smelled it, too. "It's somewhere nearby," he stated.

            "Um… Aragorn," Legolas began again.

            "Quiet!" ordered Aragorn.

            "Aragorn!" he repeated urgently.

            Aragorn held up a hand. "Be _quiet_ Legolas! Enemies may be lurking nearby!" He resumed glancing around suspiciously, sniffing the air some more. He shifted his shoulders, commenting, "Ah, is it just me, or is it getting warmer in here?"

            Gandalf muttered something about a Balrog, which went unheard because Legolas, having noticed a small flame coming out of the Man's pack, had fairly shouted, "ARAGORN!"

            The exasperated Ranger turned around, yelling, "WHAT?!"

            However, the sight of the oblivious Aragorn, standing there with a crazed glint in his eye and several tongues of lame leaping about over his shoulder was so hilarious that Legolas, forgetting what he'd been about to say, mouthed soundlessly as he tried to keep from bursting into laughter.

            "WHAT?!" repeated Aragorn, louder.

            Tom summed it up for him.

            "Hey diddly, you're on fire, ring a-ding dillo,

            Tom sure hopes you don't expire, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            "_What_?!" exclaimed Aragorn, glancing back and seeing that his pack was, indeed, going up in flames. He then ran around, screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'm on fire! Put it out, you fools, put it out!"

            Tom continued his verse,

            "Fire is beyond the skills of Aragorn the Ranger,

            He must put it out or he'll be in mortal danger,

            Too much fire can anger tree's like Old Man Willow,

            Hey diddly, ho diddly, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            He then added a jig to go along with his rather… erm… prophetic lyrics.

            "Put it out! Put it out!" Aragorn kept screaming as he ran around in circles like a headless chicken.

            "Quit moving around!" Boromir yelled, trying to catch Aragorn in his cloak so that he could put the fire out. However, Aragorn kept moving farther and farther away.

            Tom continued to sing.

            "Hey diddly doodly do, the fire spreads on the Ranger,

            Boromir risks his life, trying to end the danger,

            They won't let Tom help, diddly do, sing to Old Man Willow,

            Though Tom could fix it all, says Tom Bombadill-o!" Tom then proceeded to jump around to illustrate his little "song"

            "It burns! IT BURNS!" shrieked Aragorn. As he swerved to avoid the man of Gondor, he inadvertently allowed the fire to spread to his hair. "EEEEEE!" he yelled.

            Frodo, having the presence of mind to try to solve this, grabbed his water bottle and, jumping on Sam's shoulders, poured its contents on the Man's head.

            However, being as Aragorn's hair was a grease fire, this only made it worse and the flames briefly touched the cavern ceiling before Legolas, eager to prove himself useful, tackled the Ranger. Beating upon Aragorn's head with his cloak, Legolas had soon put the fire out. He then decided to give it a few extra whacks, as payback for Aragorn's ignoring him the first time round.

            "Hey-ow-it's OUT Legolas, what are you doing?!" shrieked the Man.

            Legolas shrugged. "There was a spark…"

            "Spark my-" Aragorn began, but Legolas interrupted.

            "Look, another one!" Again Legolas hit Aragorn in the head. "Oh, good, it's out. Oh, wait, another one!" Before Legolas could put out this "spark", Gandalf stopped him.

            "Enough of this, Legolas, we must keep moving," the wizard told him. At this Legolas pouted.

            "What about Aragorn? He's injured!" insisted the now cloakless former Elf, crossing his arms and looking pointedly at Aragorn, who, aside form having a scorched cloak and a burned pack, had had most of his hair burned off, with what was left smoking and sticking out at odd angles. His scalp was all red and somewhat shiny.

            Gandalf conceded, "I suppose you have a point. Aragorn, you're the only healer here, what do you suggest we do?"

            The Man glared at Legolas. "I _would_ have had the necessary supplies in my _pack_, but it apparently caught on _fire_, and nobody bothered to _tell_ me!"

            "Not true! I warned you, you were just too thick to pay attention!" insisted Legolas, drawing himself up to his full height of five feet and attempting to glare murderously.

            "I didn't hear you warn me," protested Aragorn.

            "As I said before, _you were being thick_!" Legolas repeated.

            "What shall we do about his hairrr?" Gimli asked, trying to muffle his laughter.

            "Guess we'll have to shave it off," Boromir stated, patting Aragorn's shoulder in sympathy.

            A look of pure horror crossed Aragorn's face. "No! Not my beautiful hair!" he cried. "After all these months that I never washed it, just to maintain its greasy shine! Nooo!"

            "Too bad!" exclaimed Legolas lightly. "Aragorn, you have to shave off you hair to fix the burns on your head!" And with that, he burst into a fit of hysterical giggles. 

            "No! Never! You'll never take me alive!" Aragorn wailed sounding much like a female. However, the fellowship had him surrounded and Aragorn was trapped.

            PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I shall attempt to have the next chapter posted much faster than this one was, and please do not flame! THANK YOU!


	14. Anyone but Legolas!

Hi! I know, I know, it's been seven months… I am truly sorry! Here be the next chapter:

            Aragorn, burned and furiously struggling but being held down by Boromir (who had never liked him in the first place) and Gimli (who found this whole affair quite amusing) yelled, "You can't do this to me, I tell you! NOT THE HAIR! ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR!"

            "**SILENCE**!" bellowed Gandalf, "Or else you will draw every orc in Moria to this very spot!"

            "That shut Aragorn up. "Oh…" he nodded, "right. Heh heh, oops?"  
            Gandalf rolled his eyes and continued, "Now then, how do we go about shaving Aragorn's head?"

            "Hey dol, merry dol, ring dong the willow,

            The Elf-prince has knives, says Tom Bombadill-o,

            Give the Elf's knives to Tom Bombadill-o,

            He'll make quick work of it, fal lal do-dillo!" sang Tom, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

            "NO!" yelled Legolas, "**NO ONE **BUT **ME** TOUCHES **MY KNIVES!"**

            "Fine then," Gandalf shrugged, "You do it!"

            Legolas thought about what Gandalf had just said. "_Really?_" asked the former Elf hopefully.

            A look of sheer panic crossed the Ranger's face. "ANYONE BUT LEGOLAS BOROMIR OR TOM!" screamed Aragorn.

            "Shut _up_," hissed Gandalf.

            Gimli raised his right hand, his left stroking his beard. "I'll do it, laddie! We Dwarrrves arre excellent hairrrstylists! I myself trrrimmed my own bearrrd just yesterrrday!"

            This threw Aragorn into even more of a panic, as Gimli pretty much resembled a gigantic beard with eyes. "No! Er… I'll take my chances with Legolas!"

            "I could always do it," offered Gandalf, "Though my hands aren't as steady as they used to be and I may just cut open your head…." He trailed off.

            "That's fine," assured Aragorn with a forced smile, "Legolas can do it." He threw the former Elf a glare. "Just don't hurt me!"

            "Don't worry, I won't… much," promised Legolas who pulled out a knife, and , standing on Sam's shoulders, began to snip off bits of singed hair. "I bet you wish you had Tom's hair," he told the Ranger with an evil grin.

            "Shut up – ow!" hissed Aragorn, "Watch the scalp!"

            "Sorry."

            "Hey diddly ho diddly, Tom Bombadill-o,

            Here's something that Tom doesn't know, nor does the willow,

            How the Elf can cut Man's hair, without things going ill-o,

            When he doesn't know how to shave, like Tom Bombadill-o!" sang Tom, getting the hobbits to join in his little jig.

            "Idiot," grumbled Gandalf.

            "There we go, it looks much better now," commented Boromir with a smirk, seeing the majority of Aragorn's hair gone. "Now there's just the matter of the burns…"

            Aragorn, seeing the eager glint gleaming in the eyes of nearly everyone present, hastily interjected, "I can take care of that _myself!_"

            "No you can't! You can't even see the burns, Aragorn," argued Frodo.

            "Hmph!" Aragorn groaned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ow! Hey!" Turning his attention to Legolas, Aragorn again glared at the former Elf.

            "Whoops… Did that hurt? I'm terribly sorry," Legolas sighed, feigning innocence. 

            "Hey diddly doddly, Tom's got a plan-oo!

            A very good plan it is, and very smart too,

            To bandage the Ranger so he doesn't lose his head-o,

            Is a task for me, 'cause I won't try to make him dead-o!" sang Tom, pulling bandage out the purse-like bag that Aragorn carried with him everywhere (and which, fortunately, had only been lightly singed)

            "Er… no!" Aragorn declared.

            "Hey dol, merry dol, look around, dillo,

            No one else is tall enough, hop along dillo,

            Tom will have to fix you up, Tom Bombadill-o!"

            And before Aragorn could say a word, Tom began winding bandages around his head. And continued to wind, despite the Ranger's (literally) violent protests. This went on for about an hour, after which the circumference of Aragorn's head was a good thirteen inches more than it had been previously.

             It looked as though he were wearing a turban, and, as Tom tied the bandage ends in a rather showy-looking bow, everyone (save Aragorn) couldn't help but laugh.

            "I'm going to kill you!" threatened Aragorn, patting the bandages on his head.

            "Hey! You can't kill him in that body! I plan on getting that body back!" protested Legolas.

            "Fine! I'll just kill his _original_ body and then he'll have no place to go back _to_!"

            Legolas nodded. "Sure – wait, that would kill _me_!"

            "So?!"  
            "The he'd be trapped in _my_ body forever! And I'D BE DEAD!"

            "Point being?"

            "You want me dead?! I'm telling my father on you!" whined Legolas.

            "And?" 

            "He'll probably declare war!"

            "So?"  
            "You think that you stand a chance against the whole of Mirkwood?"

            "Mmmmm… maybe?"

            "Take that back this instant!"

            "The killing thing was only a figure of speech!" Aragorn pointed out.

            "It was a threat!" 

            After that, Aragorn couldn't think of an argument with which to bail himself out. "I… er… uh…"

            Thankfully, Gandalf interrupted with, "We must keep moving! We have lingered here too long!"

            And so, with much grumbling about attempted murder, the Fellowship moved on.


End file.
